Tuesday, March 4, 2008
God has been doing alot of things in my heart lately, just revealing the deep rooted ugliness that is in my heart that he wants to expose and gut out. A lot of it stems from pride and there have been numerous times over these past few months that God pin points a thought and traces it back to a prideful attitude in my heart. I want to share with you something that happened a few weeks ago. For one of my classes we were required to interview a prophetic singer here on the base. A friend a I interviewed this guy who has been singing here for a few years and had a lot of great advice towards becoming a prophetic singer. At the end of our time with him, he was talking about how he is a verbal processor and asked my friend and I if we were the same and almost before I could even answer him, he turned to me and said, "I can tell your not a verbal processor, you think things through on the inside, you piece together your thoughts before you come out and say them!" With that he was encouraging me to take process things out loud, and how it is key in prophetic singing, that if I sit and think too much then I will miss the opportunity to bless the Lord and lead people into his presence. Well when I was done being all exposed and out in the open because he had just read my mail, I began to realize how much I play things safe. I let fear of failure cripple me into growing and learning. God is really challenging me to step out and let people see me grow, this has a lot to do with me singing here. While I really do want to develop that muscle of being alone before God with my talent, I also can't let that limit me to my growth process. It's like I wanted to hide during my awkward time and only come out when I knew I was good enough. Which again directly relates to pride, I don't anyone to see me fail because I am too prideful, but God longs for humility to take place in my life, that is how he is going to grow me up and it' s also the only way he can be glorified through my life. So a big inward battle and struggle is pinpionting thoughts of pride and renewing my mind to go low and live in humility before him and man. It's all apart of dying to my flesh, which I am learning more and more is something that is so hard to do. However I know that the more I keep on going low that the more he can be glorified and it also enables me to walk in righteousness with him! So I just thought I would be real and let people see my struggle, I know sometimes it can do good for more than just me. I'm praying that you all are getting full to the fullest measure of wisdom and revelation of him!